Archive for Movie Reviews

Joefestapaloozachella 2014

joefestapaloozachella

 

Click here to enjoy the show: Joefestapaloozachella 2014

 

 

Very soon thousands of people will trek deep into the desert to regret their poor decision making skills under the hot sun as they trade their life savings for a bottle of water or their first born son for a suck on someone’s CamelBak. I am not a fan of any music festival in general. There are usually only three or four bands I want to see, and usually two of them are playing at the same time. Now host it in the middle of no where and make me stand in the sun all day, and you can imagine how I feel about Coachella. Look, if you’re ok with paying $400 to for a chance to see 4 of your favorite bands play for 30 minutes each, you might as well pay $50 to see each of them play their own show in LA.

 

This isn’t a blog about how godawful festivals are, though. This is about my great idea to break you free from the clutches of despair by allowing you to enjoy great live music from home. I have found videos of some of my all-time favorite live performances and made a playlist on Youtube for you to enjoy in the safety and luxury of your own home.

 

I don’t expect anyone to actually sit down and listen to all 3 or 4 hours of this, but you might enjoy listening while you cook or go to work, or drive into the middle of no where to fight over the last centimeter of shade…

 

So, what if you had a time machine and you could go back and pull some of your favorite artists from their most spot-on performances and add them all to one bill? Sure, there are other great tours that can certainly be added here, but we need to save something for next year, right?

 

Here’s the line up.

 

Stephen Malkmus: Acoustic KCRW Session

 

Joefestapaloozachella opens with a great acoustic performance by Stephen Malkmus in which he performs some of his greatest tracks from Real Emotional Trash. This acoustic session is one of my go-to background noise options, and when I want to see someone really cut loose on the guitar there really isn’t anything better than this. There is a lot to enjoy here.

 

Eels with Strings: Live at Town Hall

 

Next up is the Eels. I have seen the Eels about 5 times live now, and you never really know what kind of show you’re going to get. Sometimes they turn it up to 11 and rock out all of their songs, even a lot of their more melodramatic tunes. Other times you are treated to a mellow and touching take on some of the greatest songs in the Eels catalog. The Eels with Strings tour was the best incarnation of the latter, offering a substance to some of the Eels most familiar songs that gives the music a new and fresh texture. The DVD is fantastic, but I could only find a few tracks online to treat you to. I hope you enjoy.

 

Andy Kaufman

I wanted to add some comedy into the mix. You know, someone to come on stage and entertain you while you stand around waiting for the next band? Andy Kaufman was my no-brainer choice. The guy is a comic genius. I’m sure most of the audience would be high by this point, which would only make his type of “I’m here to screw with you” humor more entertaining.

 

Thin Lizzy: Live and Dangerous

 

There are too many people out there don’t know much about Thin Lizzy beyond their hit The Boys are Back In Town. The band is more than just one great song. They walk the line between hard classic rock and metal and they make it sound better than most bands could back then. Their energy on stage and the presence of Phil Lynott makes the Live and Dangerous Tour one of the most entertaining recorded live performances I’ve ever seen. You know you’re in for a treat when a band opens with their most popular song. Usually, by the time a show like this is over you have a list of new favorite songs you can’t wait to check out when you get home. They kill it from start to finish.

 

David Bowie: Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars

 

It was hard to push play on this next performance- Thin Lizzy is so too damn good to turn off. But when the next performance up is from David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, it makes it easier. From hard, fast, and amazing rock, we tread onward into the spectacle that was Ziggy Stardust. The 70’s were weird.

 

I have a lot of respect for Bowie because he could have milked that Ziggy Stardust cow for ages, but he decided he was going to leave his uber successful alter-ego in the dust and pursue a conventional solo career. It was a gutsy move that paid off, but looking at footage from the movie made of one of his Stardust shows, you really get to see what he left behind- a giant fan base and one of the most bizarre and enjoyable live shows ever dreamed up.

 

The Talking Heads “Stop Making Sense”

 

Amazing music- check.

Suit that’s way too big- check.

Academy Award winning director- check.

An elephant’s weight in cocaine- probably.

 

As great and timeless as these performances all are, it’s a slam dunk who is headlining this thing- The Talking Heads from their now famous Stop Making Sense video. There isn’t much I can say that you shouldn’t know already and that you couldn’t learn from just watching the video. If you haven’t seen it before, you should watch it right now, and if you have seen it before then you know that you should probably watch it again as soon as possible. If you love the Taking Heads, Stop Making Sense is the best way to revisit the band in all their glory through what is possibly the most momentous performance ever caught on tape by any band. If you don’t love the Talking Heads, you haven’t seen Stop Making Sense yet, so shut your mouth and experience it.

 

 

 

 

 

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Oscar Winners: Reactions (based solely on their trailers and word of mouth since I didn’t see any of them)

So the Oscars were a few days ago, and I honestly don’t care, but a lot of people do.  Seriously, with the exception of Inception and Toy Story 3 I haven’t seen any of the movies that were nominated.  So let’s react based on word of mouth!

"Who am I wearing?...I think her name was 'It'..."

Oh, first of all, nothing makes me cringe more than the question “Who are you wearing?”  Just when I start to understand people’s fascination with what other people are wearing and who designed them, I snap back like a rubber band into reality.  Fashion is something I will never comprehend and something I’ll never believe in.  I apologize to all those ladies out there…and my friend Max.  He’s fancy.

The King’s Speech won best picture and that guy won Best Actor, too.  First of all, it’s awesome that Toy Story was in consideration for the best picture Oscar and it’s really weird that Inception was in there.  I saw Inception; it was confusing.  I’m usually really good at following story lines and stuff, and I think they told the story as well as it could be told, but it was still really confusing and really weird.  I honestly believe people liked it for a similar reason people like 201o A Space Odyssey.  They didn’t get it so just went with the reviews written by people who said they did.  No one did, though, and so here we are.

Anyway, the King’s Speech looks good.  I’ll see it on DVD when it comes out.  I like that the stuttering king has to kind of compete with Hitler in a way, but I do wonder why they really needed him to speak well.  I mean, during WW2, wasn’t Winston Churchill kind of the voice of the people for Great Brittan? He was only one of the best orators in the history of the world.  So…probably not a big deal then?

"No raspy-whispering? Uh...can I drop a chainsaw on someone?...do you know who I am?"

Christian Bale won best supporting actor for a role that really tested his ability as an actor.  As a drug addicted brother to a boxer from New England, it was impossible for him to justify his Terminator/Batman voice, but he pulled through.  Oh, GOOOOOOOD for him, I say.  I’m a little upset that whoever his date was didn’t slip him some speed and punch him in the face so his acceptance speech could be as golden as his rant against some tech on set.  Some guy walks on through his shot and we get a great impersonation of the Winnebago Man.  He wins an Oscar and we get the word “hell” one time and a pretty sweet beard.  It could have been better.

Natalie Portman pulled through with the Oscar for best Acress in a Leading Role.  But honestly, I think the person who really needs an award is Mary Vernieu.  Who is Mary Vernieu?  She is the casting director who brought us what I hear is one of the best girl on girl sex scenes ever.  I heard it was so good that Mila Kunis’ father walked out of the premier.  Probably because he had a boner (awkward!)

I'll take FTW for 800, Alex.

The only other thing I really want to talk about is that Alice in Wonderland won an Oscar.  I don’t care what it was for, it pisses me off something fierce.  The movie was so horrible, I don’t even know where to start with why this is such a travesty. The Oscars really did ruin their own credibility with this one.   But that’s Hollywood for you.  Always their own worst enemy.  Unless you’re Charlie Sheen.  Then you’re your own best EVERYTHING! The only thing he’s addicted to is “Winning”…and he has super powers.

Devil

Truly, a terrifying movie experience.  Mostly because you think it'll never end.I had promised myself I would never watch another M. Night Samalamadingdong movie after I endured The Village.  But Steph’s persistance > my integrity, so a few nights ago I sat down and watched Devil with her.

 

In one word, the movie was garbage.  In two words, it was the worst, and in 17 syllables it was

A big waste of time.

It seemed like it was written

by rabid monkeys

one thousand monkeys writing for one thousand years on one thousand typewriters may be able to write Shakespeare, but how much time would one million M. Night's need? The world may never know.

Why do I hate M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s movies so much?  Because they all rely on a plot twist.  Most his movies start off strong, and then the plot thickens and gets really boring, then the climax happens and it’s usually really predictable and lame.  If the movie ended at this point, people would leave the theater, take a cab right to his front door and drop a warm duce on his doormat.  But his movies never end here, probably because he knows releasing a movie that bad would be borderline felony assault, so he throws in some weird twist.

The real twist is, he's not actually a director. He's just trying to see how much money he can get paid to rape out your eyeballs.

The twist always confuses the viewers enough to make everyone go home and have to think about it for about 24 hours.  By the time people figure out that the twist made no sense it’s too late to vandalize M. Night property, so most people like myself just try to warn everyone they can that his movies are trash.

Look at Signs.  I liked it until I thought about it a little bit.  Aliens come to attack Earth because…why?  Earth is two thirds water, and these Aliens melt like the Wicked Witch in water…so…why are they here?  Why did that girl say “swing away”?  Did she know about these Aliens?  How?  Who the hell left that glass of water sitting there?  Why didn’t everyone just live under the sea?  Did no one else see the silver lining here?

Island beats, hot girls in bikinis, all you can eat shellfish...it's like spring break in Cancun 24/7!

But I digress.  We’re talking about Devil.  If you’re going to see this movie, don’t.  You’re going to hate yourself if you do.  But if you still want to see it, stop reading.  I’m about to talk about this movie a lot and I don’t really care about what I give away.  So, SPOILER ALERT.

SPOILER ALERT

Ok, now that the idiots are gone: The old lady was the obvious devil.  And if you thought she was dead and so she couldn’t be the devil, remember what Kevin Spacey said about the devil in the Usual Suspects?

So, ok, the annoying old lady is the devil.  There are other annoying people, too.  Basically, the entire plot involves a bunch of annoying people stuck in an elevator for a little over an hour and a bunch of one dimensional characters trying to get him out.  In case you’re thinking, “Joe hates this guy’s movies and came into this with a bad attitude.  There’s no way the movie was THAT bad,” watch this:

I’m not your bro.

The movie ends up being really religious.  It really seemed like something I’d see on one of those Christian stations.  There was one Hispanic guy trying to tell everyone and warn them that it was the Devil, and no one would listen.  Then at the end one guy repents and is saved.  Then this other guy forgives him for his sins.  A lot of M. Night movies are like that if you look under the surface, but this movie fell just short of inviting you to a play at your local New Life Center.

In the end, the true devil is M. Night Shamalamadingdong.  And Steph, for making me watch it.  The movies get’s an F, although there were a few laugh, as the movie was so bad.  It’s like watching 2 girls 1 cup.  People laugh all the time, but only because there isn’t anything the human body is really trained to do in a moment of pure disgust.

Alice in (W)onderland

God. This sucked.

Wow.  That’s all I have to say.  I knew this was going to be a sequel, not a remake, and I thought, “oh, great.  This let’s Tim Burton do whatever the hell he wants.”  But you know what…maybe that’s not such a great thing.  Maybe Tim Burton is going to F it all up.  What are the chances?


I would have never guessed this movie was going to be this bad.  Everything about it sucked.  Seriously.  If I didn’t care so much, I could end my review here.  Everything about it sucked.

But I do care so much, and so I’m going to go into better detail for you peeps.

The story was so lame and lacking it was almost intolerable.  Why the hell were all the characters so unlikeable?  Everyone was such a prick or so off the wall that you have no one or nothing to relate to.  That’s kind of how the cartoon was, I know, but at least you start to feel for Alice and connect with her.  But not here.  This Alice was boring and so uncertain.  In the cartoon we can relate to Alice trying to find her way home, but here we have no idea what he deal is.  She wants to wake up, but she also wants to help Willy Wonka, oops, I mean the Mad Hatter, as he tries to overthrow the Red Queen.

And what the hell happened?  I mean, when Alice was there the first time, the Red Queen was in charge.  Everything went to shit for some reason, and the only explanation we get is that the Red Queen took over.  So why wasn’t everything all F’ed up in the cartoon?

I know the first books were an allegory on the British government at the time, so I started looking for ways this could be the same about our government or something, but if it was it was not made very clear.  It was nothing but suck.

I thought of walking out of the movie at least 5 times.  The first time I thought about leaving, I told myself it would get better.  The second time I said the same.  The last three times I just wanted to see how bad it was going to get.  I wanted to make sure there were no redeeming qualities.

Why the hell was everyone calling it Underland?  That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.  It was pointless.  In fact, it was the most pointless and annoying thing I’ve ever seen in a movie.  It did nothing for comic effect or story.  It didn’t mean anything to any of the characters.  It was just something people said.  It’s like if in The Karate Kid 2, everyone kept calling Daniel “Spaniel.”  Or if in Return of the Jedi, everyone called the ship the Centium Falcon.  It does nothing.

The rest might result in some spoilers, but I want to talk about the ending.

Why was Alice so afraid of fighting the Jabberwocky?   In the very first scene in Wonderland they tell her she’s going to kill it.  Then she gets a magic sword that she’s told will guide her in the fight.  Then she gets a magic suit of armor.  Then she’s reminded that she’s going to win the fight.  Still, she cries about it. Really?  Yes, really.

And then when it’s over, the movie takes it to a whole never level of crap.   They stoop as low as to have Depp do a funny dance as the Mad Hatter.  Then Alice goes home and goes person to person and addresses them one by one, telling them who they remind her of from Wonderland, and basically pulling a Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, either giving each of them advice based on what she learned or telling them off.  THEN, after some bullshit that doesn’t matter, she sees a random butterfly and addresses it as the caterpillar from Wonderland.  I know that might be confusing, but it’s basically a bunch of cliches that were never cool and are currently the worst way to end a movie ever.

Final grade: WTF.  Who would have ever thought this movie was going to be this bad?  Not me.  It was horrible.  Stay away if you can.
BTW: Ebert gave this movie a good review.  I hate him, and I always have.  This is one time I can pretty much prove he is a puppet.  Never believe any of his reviews.  He’s a tool.

A Firstful of Dollars VS The High and the Mighty

Best of the week: A Fistful of Dollars

Gold.

Clint Eastwood.  Epic.  This is the first movie in “The Man With No Name Trilogy,” and it’s easy to see why they made two more.  I watched all three this week, and Hang’em High, and I think this takes the cake.  A lot of people really love The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, but I stand by my choice for a few solid reasons.

There’s the scene where Clint Eastwood asks these guys to apologies to his horse.  It’s probably the most amazing 6 minutes of cinema ever created.  Here’s an edited version.

I love the one older guy in the black hat who’s just like “awww, fuck…” the whole time.  It adds so much to the mood of the scene.  It’s like, he knows this guy is about to kill everyone on that porch from the second he opens his mouth.  Ain’t nothing funny about that.

The movie has something the other two don’t, and that’s a whole lot of Clint’s character.  I think the other movies suffered a little bit by taking the spotlight off of Eastwood and allowing other characters to share it with him.  True, every good franchise is going to highlight other characters, but all I wanted to see was more of the man with no name.

A Fistful of Dollars follows Eastwood as he tries to play one gang against the other in a small town in the old west.  Epic shoot outs and fist fights ensue.  The supporting cast was fantastic and the story was compelling, taking the movie far beyond where Eastwood’s talents set it alone.  It’s a great movie and it’s a fantastic first of three awesome movies.

Worst of the week: The High and the Mighty

Shit.

I only got about an hour into this movie.  It was garbage.  The whole time I was literally listening to exposition.  It was boring.  This guy is married to her, and this other guy doesn’t speak English, and this other guy’s family is dead, and the married girl might be pregnant, and the other guy wants to talk business with this other guy, and that girl wants to get married, and-I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!

I’m going to predict the ending of the film.  John Wayne saves the day and marries the stewardess, the newly weds are going to have a baby, the guy who wanted to talk to the business guy is going to end up making a deal with him, the guy who bought the mine is going to find gold in it, the pilot who was starting to freak out ends up going insane, the guy from New Jersey is actually a pilot…I think that’s everyone…oh, no wait…the Italian guy who doesn’t speak good English is going to…well, I don’t know.  I guess that makes him the most interesting character in this whole movie.

The only cool thing is it has the guy from Airplane! in it.   No, not that guy…no, not him either…This guy: Looks like he picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

I put on an Ed Wood movie instead.  That’s what I’m going to do.  When a movie sucks so bad that I can’t finish it, I’m going to put on a movie by the man who was known for making bad movies, Ed Wood, and I’m going to see if it’s better.

Night of the Ghouls was better.  It had more substance, it was more entertaining, and the characters were interesting.  Suck it, John Wayne.

Avatar

Nope.

When I first started hearing about Avatar, I thought right away about the Last Air Bender cartoon and I wondered why they would make such a big deal about a movie based on something so…trivial, I guess.  Then I started hearing about this 3D stuff and that it was a 3 hour long epic, and I thought “How stupid is this?”

Turns out, I was the stupid one since the movie wasn’t about that cartoon at all.  Also, the people have spoken and made Avatar one of the best selling movies of all time.  It’s not much of a shock, really.  The hype surrounding this movie was insane.  There have been 3D movies before.  There have been movies about other planets being invaded by humans before.  There have been 3 hour long epics before.  There have been antiwar and anti-capitalist messages thrown into movies before.  But not like this.  At least, that’s what they want you to believe.

Many people enjoyed the movie, and I think we’ve all heard the argument as to why this movie is so great.  So I’ve decided to take the road less traveled, and I’m about to divulge three of the things I hated most about Avatar.

3.  The movie.

I couldn't find a picture of the people from Avatar. So...here.

Compared with other movies as a whole, Avatar is not that great.  The story was predictable, the acting and the writing were subpar, and the characters were really lame.  The one thing that made this movie great was the visuals.  If it wasn’t for the 3D and the CGI, this movie would have starred John Cena.

I’m not going to knock the acting because the writing is what was bad.  Every character was an archetype or caricature.  The scientist was very scientist.  The army guy was very army guy.  The only person who really grew was the main guy, the marine, and even his transformation wasn’t very well documented.  We had to kind of figure things out for ourselves. This isn’t always a bad thing, but good movies will at least point you in the right direction if things were changing in a character.  For example, we knew why Al Pachino wasn’t supposed to get wrapped up in the family business, but also know why due to well written dialoge and story progression.  The marine character was a marine and that was that.  He’s transformation into something different came off as strange.

The one guy I thought was most interesting was Giovanni Ribisi’s character, the guy in charge of the mining and stuff.  He was obviously not one-hundred percent cool with the way things were going on, yet he was in charge.  The movie would have been much better if it was about him because he was the best written character.  We could see his turmoil.  Of course, this could all just be because he was a better actor than most the other cast.  I don’t know.

What I do know is that the movie is not very good.  Compared to other visually stunning movies, it’s great.  But the movie at its core, is nothing to cheer about.

Time. Wasted time. But if you cared about that, you wouldn't be reading this, would you?

2. Being held captive.

I’m not a big fan of movies that run over two hours.  Especially ones that are meant to be seen in theatres.  I wouldn’t mind watching a three hour movie at home, and most great three hour movies allow you to get the full effect in a living room OR a theatre.  I’m thinking right away of The Godfather, which is fantastic, and which most people of my generation appreciate just as much as my father’s generation who got to see it in theatres.

Movies that rely on gimmicks like 3D and special effects simply shouldn’t be very long because the only place people can get the full effect is in theatres.

While I’m sitting through a 3 hour long movie, I would appreciate the ability to pause it so I can get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, rest my eyes which have been assaulted by your 3D glasses for the last 2 hours, whatever-I shouldn’t have to miss some crazy awesome scene in the movie because I need to do any of that stuff.  End of story.

When the movie was over I needed to pee, my mouth was dry, and I had a headache.  I should sue.  But I won’t.

"I'm king of this made up world I just used to make one point over and over again for 3 hours!"

1.      Being force fed.

I seriously felt like, at the end of the movie, James Cameron was going to pop up on the screen and say

“In case you missed it, this movie is about …” and give the whole audience a lecture on nature, resource depletion, and capitalism.

We get it, James.  You don’t like ripping down rainforests.  We get it, James.  People are evil.  We get it, James.  We got it after the first hour.  We got it after the second hour.  And by the end of your movie, we’re all tired of it.  Just shut up.  Shut your stupid mouth.

This really reminds me of James Cameron’s speech at the G4 conference last year.  He just went on and on about Avatar and how great it is and how awesome it is.  He just kept talking and talking and it was SO BORING.  I think there might be something wrong with him, and I think I know what it is: he thinks we’re all idiots.  He thinks he’s the greatest director/visionary on Earth, and he thinks his points need to be made 50 times before we get it because we’re not as smart as him.

News flash, James: here’s a list of other movies that made the same points as you: Wall-E, ET, Schindlers List, The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, Star Wars, Apocalypse Now, Chinatown, District 9, The Green Mile, Scarface , Brazil …Get the picture?  We get your point and your movie didn’t need to be that long.

I don’t want to Avatar this article and make it longer than it has to be, so I’ll make my conclusion quick: If you’re going to see it, see it in theatres, because it will not be worth it at home on your TV, no matter how bad you need to pee.

Night of the Living Dead

Who doesn't love a good zombie movie? Seriously.

My girlfriend is in a class that sounds pretty cool.  All she does is watch horror movies and write papers about them.  I guess she did more than that at the beginning of the semester, but this last month sounds like it rocks.  She had to watch Night of the Living Dead and the original Halloween. Since she wanted my input on some of the ideas she had for her paper, I decided to revisit one of my favorite horror movies of all time, Night of the Living Dead.

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First of all, who doesn’t like zombies?  The movie practically invented them.  In truth, the writers were basing their zombies off of the things from I Am Legend, but the two are very different.  What came after Night of the Living Dead was a slew of otherzombie movies that rewrote the rules and nature of these beasts, but it all comes back to the original, and for that, I think we all owe the film a big thank you.

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The movie stars a black actor, which was far from the norm at the time.  It seems whenever someone breaks the norm like that, there are always people coming forward trying to figure out why the film makers did it and what they were trying to say, but the director himself said that the only reason they casted the guy was because he gave the best audition.  I’m sure the casting hurt the film, since it was low budget and released in 1968 when racism was rampant and a large social issue.  This had to have crossed the minds of everyone involved with the film, but by today’s standards, it’s just one more thing to respect about the movie.

There have been lots of remakes, but why would you waste your time with anything but the original?

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The film is basically about people, human nature, and the importance for working together.  Communication is a large theme in this movie.  One woman hardly talks at all through the whole movie, all she does is hold back the main character, and she becomes more of an object than anything.  There’s one powerful scene where someone tells her to get into the basement, and the main character basically takes ownership of her, telling the man to leave her alone.

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The first scenes between these two characters are tense, to say the least.

Team work is such a big part of this movie.  When everyone is working together, it looks like they’re going to be ok, but people start dying the second someone turns on the leader.  It says a lot about sticking together and it says a lot about the power of the majority and standing up for what you believe.

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There is a struggle through the whole movie to figure out who is in control.  While the main character seems to be in control for the majority of the movie, who is really?  I love the fact that at first, when boarding up the house, it’s obvious that the main character is in the power-seat.  But when the meet the other people, there’s this giant clash between the two older men.  One man is hell-bent on being in control and right, and the other is just trying to survive.  Survival instinct wins out over petty ambition in the end, but if you look beyond the walls of the house, the people who are really in control are the zombies; they’re the ones holding the people hostage in this house, and they’re the ones that pose the real threat.  They’re even taking the power away from the government.

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The end of the movie is just another reference to communication.  If one hand doesn’t know that the other hand is doing, things are just going to fall apart.

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I never got to think of Night of the Living Dead as anything but the first real zombie movie.  It was great to go back and see how it held up with my many changes in interests and new maturity toward movies that I just didn’t have when I saw this when I was a kid.  That’s a true sign of great cinema; when you like it just as much after you’ve grown up on a totally different level.  For people just looking for a good zombie movie, it will deliver, and for people looking at a social commentary, it will not disappoint.  It earns an A.

Funny People

It's as funny as it looks. Just kinda. Unless you think it looks like Sandler is smelling a fart and he's not sure who did it. In that case, it's really not as funny as it looks at all.

This movie is long.  God.  It’s like two and a half hours.  Hang on let me check…yeah, two and a half hours.  Jesus…what a waste of time.

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I didn’t like it.  I’ll tell you why without trying to spoil too much of the movie, but I might give some stuff away, if you really care.  Nothing happens.  All of the characters pretty much end up in exactly the same place. That guy ends up working back at the deli, the other guy isn’t going to die and is alone, that girl is still with her cheating husband, the roommate is still on that TV show, the other roommate forgives Seth Rogan.  No one really grew that much and no one really learned anything.  I certainly didn’t.

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A lot of things were left undeveloped or underdeveloped.  For example, Seth Rogan cut Jonah Hill out of the deal with Sandler.  This comes up about 20 minutes into the movie and it doesn’t come up again until about an hour and a half into the movie.  They get into a little fight and then it’s not brought up again until the end of the movie when Jonah Hills says he forgives him in a really “we don’t really care and never really did” kind of way.

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If you’re going to put some kind of conflict into a movie between two characters, it should matter.  The movie could have been just the same, and shorter, without it.  It was far from necessary and if anything just made it an even more aggrivating movie to watch.

It's not Zohan bad....it's more like...sneaky bad.

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Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan star in this film and Rogan is basically Sandler’s assistant.  He get’s $1500 a week and yet…still sleeps on his friend’s couch?  And still doesn’t pay rent?  Ok…whatever.  Sandler, apparently, plays a jerk who doesn’t want to be Rogan’s friend, but honestly, they are painted as friends through the whole movie.  You honestly thing they’re friends.  Then at the end of the movie, Sandler basically pulls the “I’m your boss” card.

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It’s hard to comprehend their relationship as professional or friendly.  They’re both painted as kind of ok guys, so why doesnt’ Rogan call Sandler on his bullshit and do what most people do and say something as a friend?  His character is pretty outspoken through the whole movie, so why not now?

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This is Aubry Plaza. She's got a whole Velma Dinkley thing going for her. I like it. A lot.

Oh, another part of this movie that confused me was when Rogan tells Sandler he needs to tell someone else about his disease.  Sandler doesn’t want any part of it, but he agrees after Rogan starts crying.  Then Sandler tells like 50 people.  He tells Andy Dick, he tells his sister, he tells Charles Fleischer, he tells his exwife.  Man….what happend to the whole “I don’t want to tell anyone” thing?  He only asked you to tell one person.  Don’t tell me this is the ONLY scene they cut from this damn movie.

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It has its funny moments, but the movie is more of a mess than anything.  It doesn’t need to be that long and no part of it is really worth sitting through the whole thing.  C+.  The plus is for actually filming a movie that long and introducing me to the funny and nerdy-hot Aubrey Plaza.  (Digg’n on those bangs)