So the Oscars were a few days ago, and I honestly don’t care, but a lot of people do. Seriously, with the exception of Inception and Toy Story 3 I haven’t seen any of the movies that were nominated. So let’s react based on word of mouth!

"Who am I wearing?...I think her name was 'It'..."
Oh, first of all, nothing makes me cringe more than the question “Who are you wearing?” Just when I start to understand people’s fascination with what other people are wearing and who designed them, I snap back like a rubber band into reality. Fashion is something I will never comprehend and something I’ll never believe in. I apologize to all those ladies out there…and my friend Max. He’s fancy.
The King’s Speech won best picture and that guy won Best Actor, too. First of all, it’s awesome that Toy Story was in consideration for the best picture Oscar and it’s really weird that Inception was in there. I saw Inception; it was confusing. I’m usually really good at following story lines and stuff, and I think they told the story as well as it could be told, but it was still really confusing and really weird. I honestly believe people liked it for a similar reason people like 201o A Space Odyssey. They didn’t get it so just went with the reviews written by people who said they did. No one did, though, and so here we are.
Anyway, the King’s Speech looks good. I’ll see it on DVD when it comes out. I like that the stuttering king has to kind of compete with Hitler in a way, but I do wonder why they really needed him to speak well. I mean, during WW2, wasn’t Winston Churchill kind of the voice of the people for Great Brittan? He was only one of the best orators in the history of the world. So…probably not a big deal then?

"No raspy-whispering? Uh...can I drop a chainsaw on someone?...do you know who I am?"
Christian Bale won best supporting actor for a role that really tested his ability as an actor. As a drug addicted brother to a boxer from New England, it was impossible for him to justify his Terminator/Batman voice, but he pulled through. Oh, GOOOOOOOD for him, I say. I’m a little upset that whoever his date was didn’t slip him some speed and punch him in the face so his acceptance speech could be as golden as his rant against some tech on set. Some guy walks on through his shot and we get a great impersonation of the Winnebago Man. He wins an Oscar and we get the word “hell” one time and a pretty sweet beard. It could have been better.
Natalie Portman pulled through with the Oscar for best Acress in a Leading Role. But honestly, I think the person who really needs an award is Mary Vernieu. Who is Mary Vernieu? She is the casting director who brought us what I hear is one of the best girl on girl sex scenes ever. I heard it was so good that Mila Kunis’ father walked out of the premier. Probably because he had a boner (awkward!)

I'll take FTW for 800, Alex.
The only other thing I really want to talk about is that Alice in Wonderland won an Oscar. I don’t care what it was for, it pisses me off something fierce. The movie was so horrible, I don’t even know where to start with why this is such a travesty. The Oscars really did ruin their own credibility with this one. But that’s Hollywood for you. Always their own worst enemy. Unless you’re Charlie Sheen. Then you’re your own best EVERYTHING! The only thing he’s addicted to is “Winning”…and he has super powers.